I had the most unfortunate turn of events… I actually weighed myself today. I was feeling too happy on my high horse. It said I was 228.1 pounds. It’s a victory but I cheated on myself. I should never get my hopes too high because that’s exactly what gets me into trouble. There is something about pain and struggle that keeps me focused. And I’d rather stay that way. Many times before I’d get a little happy and start eating carbs and pancakes and snacks all because I told myself. I deserve it. Bullshit. I absolutely don’t deserve it. I must stay focused. This weight won’t lose itself. If only there was a pill I could take. Or catch some weird virus that causes me to lose weigh the more I eat. My entire life it feels like I’ve always had bad relationship with food. I was always the fat one in the family. Even when I wasn’t really fat. My self image needs work. I need work. But I expect more from myself!