Happy Friday June 26th 2020.
Currently watching Blue Valentine. It sucks any decent life left in tranquility . Anti marriage movies were all the youthful rage 2010 required. But the rage ten years later ten years wiser all the more destructive and aimless is apropos. July 4th is almost near . Queer how last year joy and fireworks converged at the corner of 164th and Jerome. Mullaly Park made happiness possible if only for an hour. Car parked at an illegal corner, no matter, no problems. Only love could entertain such color. Wild and possible. Loud and dangerous. Absorbing the tentacles of the light show. Who knows where all the fire goes after the slumber? Did Cupid take back the arrow? Is the light show to return? Or is this to remain somber a constant reminder of that which was lost? The day is a wonderful bother mired in sun frozen in white clouds shifting into hats, cities, and cats. Every shift is a fist on a mirror. Don’t look back! Every shatter makes it clearer!
I can hear it. Calling. The song in the movie where Ryan Gosling starts strumming the ukelele singing the mills brothers as Michelle Williams starts tap dancing, “you always hurt the ones you love, the ones you shouldn’t hurt at all, you always take the sweetest rose And crush it till the petals fall You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can’t recall, so
If I broke your heart last night
It’s because I love you most of all”. I am such a successful sucker for regret. Pour me a cup of tea and let the bitterness flow and float like a baby. I just saw a kid not much older than 17 on a bike pedaling on with no hands on the wheel not caring at all. All too preoccupied with the phone call he’s on. As he’s going through my block running red lights I watch him. I heard him say “you know I always…” and his words drifted away with the heat on the concrete and the speed of his emotions. As he left the frame. I know what he wanted to say. The cracks in his voice gave a great speech about loneliness and loss aversion. It’s my favorite kind of speech. I hope you will be okay random kid.