Last Time I actually posted something I had so much hope.
Last time I wrote something I wanted to change. There is so much to say about intentions and reality. The reality was I never really committed to my life before. I understood the necessary changes that needed to take place in order to get more pussy but that’s about it. To be honest I’ve never been one to receive enough attention from cats. Never had enough meows to brag to the fellas about. What is that magical number of felines? I wish I knew. Perhaps if I knew I wouldn’t be so confused as to what happened in my life. I’m thirty now but I feel physically fifty and mentally ten. My girlfriend left me again recently so now I’m forced to reflect on the whole of my existence. I get lazy. I get depressed. I get jealous. I compare myself to others in the worst kind of envy. I am my own worst enemy most of the time, as I can only assume most of us are. I am hopeful I can somehow turn this all around. I am starting a weight loss journey again. This time with a little more self-reflection, self-help books, and a little more sadness. The perfect combination I hope. But I also want this to be more than just a weight-loss journey because it’s not the only thing I want. We live in the information age. All things are figureoutable on google and at the library. We all know what they say. They say love yourself before anybody else. They say meditate. They say exercise at least 30 minutes a day. They say social media is not the answer. All I can do is try. Try and try again until I fail enough to get it right. There lies my ultimate truth. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of failing even though I know it’s the only way to get better at anything. I’ve lived my life too cool. Too preoccupied with being cool and ended up quietly not doing anything at all. I am a work in progress. I hope I have the strength to continue sharing with the world wide web. I hope this reaches someone like me who needs to get smacked in the face by life. I am currently 235.8 pounds. I was 250 not too long ago but being dumped made me eat less. I am no longer comfortable in inadequacy. 2020 is a horrible year but we can’t let it get the best of us. Just like Samuel Beckett said, ” Try again, Fail again, Fail better”.