Today is March 1, I woke today turned on Netflix and put on Dirty Money. Finished episode 1, then switched over to Hulu to enjoy Vikings season 4. But then I stopped.just like that. and I asked my brother to play basketball with me because the day had a decent weather of 55 degrees. He recorded most of it. I got tired quickly. Seeing myself on camera is not a pleasant experience. Since today is the beginning of the month, it’s a great metaphor for change. Lets start today as the first day of the rest of my life. One filled with a greater sense of self awareness and the courage to consistently fight for what I want. I won’t say like I usually say “let’s see how long I last” . I won’t stop until I accomplish this day dream to be physically fit and not be tired to play basketball 5 minutes in. this is me today after coming home from shooting around with my brother for about an hour. Today I am 200lbs .
This is my older brother kicking my ass. He plays his role well. I consider myself a good player like all basketball players but sometimes you have to face the facts. Don’t get me wrong I belong on the court, but only for like the first 10 minutes til I catch a sweat, or should I say til the sweat catches me.
This is my declaration to smack my fears this year and worry less about how stupid I look. I have been living my life like there’s a guy with a notebook always next to me. The guy with the notebook only has one job to do and that is to watch me live my life and score my coolness. Every time I do something stupid or “cool” I look over and see him grading me. For most of my life if I’m losing cool points I tend to hide within myself. Most likely I’m standing next to him and his notebook trying to apologize or explain myself like NBA players do with referees and he’s probably going to give me a tech for arguing. This year 2018 I’m making a declaration to change my ideas of coolness. I’m pushing the guy and his notebook to the side. These ideas of not looking foolish and not excelling at things might have become a believe system that I need to rebel against. Long live the inherent dignity of my life! In all the things that matter love, sex, art, and fitness.